Tears on the bedroom floor...

It was the worst feeling in the world...I was being pulled back and forth and had no idea what the opposing arguments were...it wasn't a devil vs. saint fight...it wasn't a battle of the consciousness...it was an "i love you more" fight!! I was eight and never thought I'd see the day! I mean...granted I wasn't raised in your typical American family so I never saw the arguments and rough times they shared! To me life was all good from my view around the corner at 116 Elm Hill Ave. My parent's were in love, my family loved me, i was the youngest at my aunt's house and could do no wrong!! life was good!! Until...
...there was a party/shindig at my aunt's house that night! I was in the living room and the arguing started (they were arguing weeks before then) outside the building in front of the car...my mom yelling and my dad yelling back! She threw the keys in an emotional fit and tears ran rampant. I was only 8 but was already experiencing a broken heart...I could take it no more and ran into my bedroom...sat on the floor in the fetal position...covered my ears...rocked back and forth and cried! I couldn't help but feel it was all my fault!! Idk why...I know I did nothing wrong...but maybe it was that time I broke the vase, or perhaps the night I threw up and had to go to the ER...better yet...maybe it was the time...the time...it was NO time! It so wasn't my fault, but to an eight year old who's life had been full of questions because nothing about it was normal....it was ALL my fault!
I didn't understand and possibly I never would but I was eight years old and my parent's just "didn't love each other anymore" or so I was told!
I'll never forget the day I came home from school and my dad was waiting for me in the hall of my aunt's apartment building. He said, "Kate, you know I love you. And you know me and your mom aren't going to live together anymore, so the judge is going to want to ask you who you want to live with...who do you want to live with?" He could not have been serious!! I had no idea what he was saying to me...my entire eight years of existence was spent with my extended family...never did I live with my parents for more than 6 months- 1 year...I had NO idea who I wanted to live with...so I said "my aunt"! But a week later my mom came to get me and all my stuff..."you're coming to live with me now"...
...I hated her then I grew to understand her and finally I love her with all my heart! Two years after I moved in with my mom in our 2 bedroom apartment around the corner from my aunt...my dad and his new wife (yes..he wasted no time) had a baby!! A year after that they had another one...and two years after him, guess what, yup another lil thumb sucker!!
I wanted to know why???? I hated him...I hated her...and I hated them!! Now I love him...I'm impartial to her...and I love them (well...2 out of 3...lol)...

My childhood so wasn't the typical...and my brothers and sister and I never grew up in the same house...Im 21 and they're 10, 8, and 6...o yeah and there's the older one in Haiti who's prob like 24...but sometimes I wonder do they look up to me? Does she look up to me?? Cuz...in case ya'll haven't noticed me and her look JUST alike...and sometimes I hope she does look up to me!!


But there are still days when I can't help but wonder...why did God have to split them up?? Why couldn't I come from a normal family?? And then I think..I wouldn't have a story to tell...